he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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