Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
