I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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