despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
