It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
