i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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