Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
