you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
