I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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