i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
