remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize