i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
