You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
