I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
