I swear god or herbie drove my car home
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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