good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
