I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So squirting runs in the family.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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