dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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