champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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