I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
