Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
