Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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