Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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