so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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