So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
