Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
