I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His nipple licking is glorious
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