You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
