At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
