hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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