i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is Oprah even human
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
