Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
