I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
