I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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