Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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