I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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