so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
