Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
