Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
