It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
two words...techno handjob
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
