I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
