OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
