Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize