My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just google imaged poop.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
