Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
