im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
