I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
