I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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