we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
