We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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