Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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