there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
