what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
