Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
