Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
soo... how was my night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
