I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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