True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
the raccoons are back...
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