We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
