She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
