Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if only i could text you this smell
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
