@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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