you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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