david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
