there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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