Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
