I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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