he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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