Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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