I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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