dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
