I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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