i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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