We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish I could teleport
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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