we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
