Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
