I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
